Beth, Be not Proud

In her album “ I Dreamed a Dream”  Susan Boyle sings a song called “Proud.” I am sure I have heard it before, but I have never listened like I do when I hear her voice.  The first two verses catch me every time:

 All of my life I have watched you
climbing mountains, chasing dreams
All of my life you gave me everything
but you don't have to give the world to me

Just say you love me as I am,
say you want me as I am,
say I'm someone in your eyes,
that's all I want it to be
Oh, just let me go, I know one day if I'm allowed,
if I'm allowed, one day I'll make you proud  (Steve Max/Wayne Hector/Andy Hill, Blackstone Music Ltd. )

She writes “This is about conflict between a parent and his son.  The dilemmas most youngsters find themselves up against.”  (“I Dreamed a Dream,, 2009 Simco Limited)  And I might add it is the dilemma of most parents too.  Our children sing  “Oh, just let me go, I know one day if I’m allowed, if I’m allowed, one day I’ll make you proud.”  They want to fly away.  We want to keep them in our nests.   And yet we want them to “make us proud.”

For years I heard that happen every time a father spoke to one of his three sons.  No matter what the problem, no matter what the dilemma, the conversations ended with the same words.  It didn’t matter if there was a bad grade or a great game, whether there was a speeding ticket or a new job.    I might  hear words of frustration and words of encouragement.  I heard chiding and congratulations.   There was often advice, sometimes given gently, sometimes strongly.  But the conversations always ended the same words.  “I’m proud of you, kid.” 

And I watched the effect of those words.  I saw three boys become three men.  I saw them stand taller and with more confidence.  And though there were still tough times, and sometimes even bad decisions, they never doubted that they had the strength to right the wrong, to move on.  And if ever they faltered they could always hear that voice assuring them “I’m proud of you, kid.”

But sometimes, I confess and the rest of you know, sometimes I hold on a little too tight to that “I’ll make you proud.”  I relish the good grade or the great game or the new job.  I strut a little, and brag a little and am more than a little proud that my son has done whatever.   And then I realized, listening to Susan Boyle, that I am making the proud part more about me, than my child.   I realized that when all is said and done, the moments I cherish are not the game winning home run, or getting a great job.  Rather, it is those moments when an unexpected text arrives telling me he loves me.  It is being assured that with all that encouragement from his father, he is capable of making good decisions.  It is those times when he is honest to a fault, when he stands up for things I might not believe in…

So perhaps, when all is said and done, we should not be proud of our children’s accomplishments, but humbled by their goodness.   For as Jesus says “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. " I guess we can’t ask for more than that!